Jealousy is a difficult emotion because it’s often irrational. The thing to remember is, it’s okay to feel jealous sometimes (even if you shouldn’t) however you MUST control your actions and reactions when feeling jealous. You have to think and consider the situation, and you also have to trust your significant other. People that hit on individuals when they know they are in a monogamous relationship are assholes, but that should never cause you to react negatively to your girlfriend or act like an asshole yourself. Take pride in the fact you have an incredible woman by your side, and don’t let insignificant people affect what you two have together.
She should also be sensitive to the fact that seeing people act this way towards her is hard for you. She needs to try to be firm and assertive when someone is making unwanted advances. I know from personal experience myself that it can be really hard to do that, because it’s (unfortunately) very ingrained for many females that we must always be polite and friendly and “let people down easy”, but often it’s just not good enough.
I hope this helps in some way.
First of all, the most important thing to remember when dealing with irrationally angry people is that you should never feel bad about yourself because of them and you should definitely not take it personally, because they are the ones making the mistake just from that fact they are angry, they are the ones showing weakness by being nasty out of frustration. People prone to that kind of behavior usually aren’t very good at expressing themselves and so all they can do is yell and scream and say the first nasty thing that comes to mind, no matter how far from the truth or how unreasonable it might be.
It’s a pretty severe sign of immaturity as far as I’m concerned and can be pretty hard for certain kinds of people to grow out of. We all have moments of losing the plot and flipping out, it happens, human beings will do that eventually, when it’s a regular habit and especially when it’s over minor things, then that’s a problem.
All I can really suggest is that you think about why it is she is like that, is there an ongoing issue in her life that has been making her frustrated time and time again? Is it just a simple personality flaw she needs to grow out of? Are you actually the problem somehow? Is she like this to anyone else?
If possible, talk to her when she’s in a calmer state of mind and straight up tell her that you don’t like it when she takes her frustration out on you and belittles you, because it is not fair for her to do that to you, and just talk through it together as calmly as possible and see how it goes. The key thing here is to not get to her level when she’s angry, two frustrated people fueling each other’s rage will get you no where and will definitely solve nothing, if you try your best to communicate how she makes you feel and she doesn’t seem willing to work on it, then perhaps you need to rethink your relationship.
If she is willing to try and make things better, then fantastic, however it is important to remember that you can’t fix a habit or flaw over night, it takes time and work, and mistakes will happen along the way as like anything else, it’s a learning experience.
If the frequency of her getting mad at minor things is lessening, or if she has stopped taking it out on you, it is important to recognize that and praise her, remind her how amazing she is and how you feel about her, because why should someone go through the effort of personal growth for the sake of somebody else if that person doesn’t recognize it or seem to care?
makes you feel controlled by me?” and then later on (finally) told me that he’s had a loaded rifle up to his temple, has jumped from stupid heights, cries and begs for death at night and then called me his “last chance”. I’m falling out of love with him and I know that kind of behaviour is really sketchy and borderline emotionally abusive, but I don’t know what to do at all.
I’m sorry to hear that, it sounds really rough and you do not deserve to be in that situation, no one does, I don’t know how old you guys are so I have no idea if this is just extremely exaggerated sensitive teen drama stuff he’s pulling, or if he really has some serious issues that he needs to work through, either way it’s not good.
There is really no excuse for that behavior and “borderline emotionally abusive” is probably the understatement of the decade, it is emotional abuse and it’s unacceptable no matter what he has been through. A lot of people get into the habit of thinking the things they have been through are always more severe than what anyone else has been through when most of the time that’s not the case.
Most people have been on the wrong end of some bullshit in their life but you know, you get over it and you leave it in the past as best you can, a lifetime is a long time, especially when we’re teenagers or in our 20’s, we’re still young at that point and you can be at rock bottom one year and then with your soulmate the next, you really just don’t know.
To put it plainly, you need to get out of that situation and then never look back. I would suggest being upfront and clear with how he makes you feel, he’s not going to like that and will probably get upset but it has to be done. It sounds like he probably needs some help, so it might be an idea to propose that he go and talk to someone to help him work through his issues, and if he doesn’t listen to that, then there’s nothing you can do, and it’s up to him to hopefully wake up and turn his own life around.
You can’t let yourself be trapped there with him in all that negativity, especially after 4 months, 4 months is nothing, and you need to remember that walking away and never looking back doesn’t make you a bad person or make you the one at fault. I think you need to think about what you really want, you said you were falling out of love, so I assume you’re looking for a way to end this somehow, which means you need to be strong about letting him know, no matter how dramatic or angry he gets, you need to be strong.
Once you’ve told him everything you felt you need to say, you just need to say goodbye and cut him off for good, block him or remove him from contacts or whatever you guys communicate through and don’t look back, because he will be desperate and any, and I mean any, form of communication from you, will make him think you’re going to go back to him, no matter how ridiculous that seems, so that’s why you need to be extreme about that, otherwise you’ll just get sucked into a cycle of nonsense over and over and over.
You can’t be with someone who just wants to die, that’s just illogical, it’s definitely not healthy either. I mean everyone will have moments at some point in their lives of being sad and not feeling so positive, but that’s okay and they’ll pass.
When you’re with someone, being with them should make you happy that you’re alive, that you exist, that you were born into the world and lived through everything good and bad just to get to that moment when you have finally found them, that’s how it should feel.
So I hope that I’ve given you some sort of idea as to handle your situation, it sounds like a bad one and unfortunately there’s not much you can do for people like that, knowing when something is a lost cause is important.